I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
