i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
