Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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