I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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