just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
