dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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