look no pants
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize