Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
