eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
