i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
