I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
