All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
