my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
