I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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