I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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