I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
