is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm passing your future prison.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
