so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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