If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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