I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my being single is dangerous.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
