i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
