they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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