loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
