Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
