well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
