I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
