If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
