I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
