I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
