ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
