I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
