i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
