Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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