I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
