any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
17 year olds will be the death of me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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