jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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