Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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