see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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