If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
