Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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