You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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