Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
