He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
