he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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