Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
