Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
