What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
