PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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