matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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