yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My feet surprised me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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