how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Someone came in the potted fern
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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