My liver just broke up with me...
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize