HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
