I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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