Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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