well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
