You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
