Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he thought i was a dude.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
