I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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