I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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