i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
