how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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