i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
