proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
