She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize