You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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