Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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