We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
