Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
