This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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