Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
